On Those Who Send Me

I woke up today feeling ~mostly~ ready. Anxious, nervous, a little sick to my stomach- but ready. After a week of YAGM orientation in Chicago, it was finally time to embark on the journey I'd been emotionally, spiritually, and physically preparing for the last 5 months. Yesterday, there were a lot of tears as nerves and unwanted thoughts of "what the heck did I sign myself up for" creeped in. But today, there was a sense of peace- a sense of security rooted in the words and hugs of those "sending me."

During one of Julie's sessions at orientation, she unpacked the relationship between "those who are sending me" and "those who are receiving me" in Madagascar. Rather than seeing my family and friends as a community at home that I will be saying goodbye to for awhile, she urged us to think about all the ways that we will find connections between our new communities and our communities back home. To me, this makes the leaving home part that much easier. It allows me to see how my parents and brother and grandparents and closest friends in Raleigh, and Chapel Hill, and Boston, and teachers and church friends and old friends from High School and college have shaped me into who I am today. The kind words and sweet *you'll be amazing!* texts remind me that these incredible people in my community back home have made me into someone who mustered up the courage to get on that plane this morning. And it's pieces of them and their unconditional love and support that will allow me to love so fiercely in my new community. 

The other tough goodbyes I wasn't expecting were those from fellow YAGMs who will be traveling to 10 different countries all over the world today. It's a weird feeling to leave the 83 other YAGMs that have grown to feel like family in just the short week we spent together. We worshiped and danced and ate a lot of deep dish and sang (screamed?) karaoke and had open conversations about race, gender, and economic injustice. We shared stories next to bonfires and we listened intently to the hopes and fears for the coming year. So when 3:45AM rolled around Wednesday morning and it was time for the first country send off - it hurt. There were the heart wrenching goodbyes to members from my small group that I was able to love so deeply this past week due to their vulnerability and openness as we wrestled with what this next year will look like. And then there were similar feelings when hugging those that I didn't really get a chance to talk to at all. Because that's what YAGM does to you apparently- it opens you to care for and accompany those who you may not know because that's what community looks like.

To me, it's not about leaving family and friends back home and starting over in a new place- it's about bridging the gap between the people at home and the new people I'll encounter this year. Because it is through these relationships that I have found strength and a sense of who I am, and that's what I'll take with me even though I'll be leaving loved ones all over back home.

So, I've shifted from nervousness to excitedness and ah this is really happening-ness back and forth a million times this past week- but I trust in the relationships of those who send me. Because when you're sharing stories and letters and love with those in North Carolina and Chicago and Boston and Hungary and Cambodia and Mexico, the world seems so much smaller. And it's then that you can start to challenge our individualistic society. Because I wouldn't want to be doing this alone. 

small group squad!!!

 Juliana (Hungary), Jen (Uruguay alum), Michaela (Argentina), Molly (Cambodia), Rosina (U.K.), and Anna (South Africa)

 

        

old friends! (go heels)

closing worship